BRB

Hey everyone! I'm writing my exam now and will be finished on Friday so chances are that it will be a bit slow here for a little while.

Don't worry.. After the exam I'll have a celebration party to tell you everything about and since I've been so bad at updating lately no juicy bits will be left out. I promise their will be juicy bits.

But I'm seriously thinking of pressing that special button on my keyboard for this exam.

Anger Management

Today I scared the hell out of alot of innocent people.

I was down in the subway, waiting for my ride and started to write a text message when my fingers decided to mess with me a bit. It was almost like they said "Ok guys! Max hasn't given us enough attention lately so lets give him a hint what happens if he doesn't start pampering us soon." and then is just said "plop".

My cellphone leaped into the air and I instinctively, out of reflex, tried to grab the phone while it still was in midair. But instead of catching the phone I managed to smack it really hard, which sent my little brick of a phone flying into the wall and exploding into so many pieces it was joke.. Again out instinct I let out a big "FUCK!" while doing little strangle movements with my hands.

Then I noticed that the whole station had been struck by a sudden complete silence and they were all glancing frightened looks at me, thinking that "there is guy who could do with a bit of counseling". I picked up the pieces of my ex-phone and got on my train.

The lesson to be learned here is that if you drop something don't fling it into a wall and yell profanities afterwards, as it will make people think that you are crazy.

Cape North

This summer is going to be absolutely awesome! Many things are already planned but this idea feels like it will be among those great summer memories for long time. I am going to enter the Cape North Parade.

I didn't know this before but it is illegal to have boat races in the Swedish Archipelago. So instead of calling the competition the Cape North Race it is called the Cape North Parade. Its just a parade! The only thing is that everyone in the parade start at the same time and everyone tries to get to the end of the parade like greased lightning. But its not a race. It is a parade.

The only thing is that I don't really have a boat.. Well I have a boat, but not one I could enter with without being laughed at. But this week there was a surprise! From nowhere I found out that my brother bougth a Jet ski for this summer! So I'm entering the Jet ski part of the parade!

This is the plan. The coolest guys and girls in Stockholm, or as I would like to call them "my crew", is coming out for a major party extravaganza on the island. But the day starts with that we all take the big boat and find a nice little place where they can see the race and start to warm up for the night. We open a couple of beers, have a nice lunch and do some swimming from the boat. Then as the parade approaches I get into my newly fitted Superman costume with an absolutely awesome cape. The cape is a really big part of my plan as I want it to flutter sweetly in the wind and not end up wrapping itself around my face so I crash into an island or something. As I see it, the competitors (not that it is a race) will be so in awe from my dedication and costume so I'll have an advantage from the start and secondly who can go faster on a Jet ski then Superman? Seriously, don't be silly and try telling someone otherwise. After I win the race we are going to have a party like the archipelago haven't seen for a decade! Its going to be one for the books.

The only thing now though is that I have to learn how to Jet ski. I'm really good at going in a straight line super fast, but tight corners isn't exactly my forte yet. Not a problem though! What I lack in skill and aptitude, my underdeveloped rational fear and wonderful cape will cover for. See you there!

What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Here comes another great finding from my Internet adventures!

This is where I get all the juicy gossip from around the world a couple of days earlier then our newspapers here in Sweden do. Every story usually comes with some cool pictures and the guy who writes the comments is absolutely wonderful. I think he takes after me..


A truly amazing site if you are just looking to kill an hour or two.

What Would Tyler Durden Do? WWTDD

You can fix my TV anytime

Its just not logical

Today I made a discovery. You can divide the world in two groups.

When a group of people go out on serious drinking binge it is the next day that separates the sheep from the wolfs. There are those who let their hungover be their master and "decides" to take it easy and there are those who go "Last night was awesome! God I'm hungover but tonight is going to get even crazier!".

I love the second ones! Personally I'm 50/50, but not that I chill half of the time and go crazy for the other half. Instead I'm "There ought to be a law against being this hungover" for first couple of hours when I wake up from my deep sleep. Then I start thinking of all the great stuff that happened last night and a little devil on my left shoulder starts whispering alluring incentives.

Its party time bitch.

Damn car

I'm so hungover.. And now I have to walk across town to get my car..

*Note to self*
Don't drive to the party.

ps: Scarlet Johansson is a fox

Blinded by the lights - The Streets

Hmm, brandy or beer? Waters a good idea,
Wish that bar lady'd appear; and come serve over here.
Where the fuck could they be? still not over in the corner,
This nights a tragedy, i keep thinking i saw her.
And i'm thinkin'...
(Lights are blinding my eyes)
No thats not them, thats not them either...
And i'm thinkin'...
(People pushin' by, and walkin' off into the night)
I'm still not feeling anything, this has got to be a dud.
It's been ages since i necked it, and smoked six tabs to the nub.
Belly's not even tingling, i just feel a bit pissed..
No-one looks like minglin', i cant see her or him..
And im thinkin'...
(Lights are blinding my eyes)
I'm gonna do another i think. Yeah, one more, these are shit.
And i'm thinkin'...
(People pushin' by, and walkin' off into the night)
These toilets are a piss take, queue's bigger than the door.
Gotta get rid of this pill taste, what are they chattin so much for?
Glad i'm not a girl in this place, they'll be here til dawn.
Sure my belly's tingling a bit, somethings happening im sure.
And im thinkin'...
(Lights are blinding my eyes)
Maybe i shouldnt have done the second one, i feel all fidgety and warm...
(People pushin' by, and walkin' off into the night)
Whoa, everything in the room is spinning, i think i'm going to fall down,
My heart's beating to quick, i'm fucking tripping out.
I wonder whether they got in, turned away no doubt.
Who cares, this is a tune coming in, that who where hes like..
Im thinkin'...
(Lights are blinding my eyes)
My eyes are rolling back, i'm rubbing my thighs with my hand.
And i'm thinkin'...
(People pushin' by, and walkin' off into the night)
Yeah yeah they cheer - can they see my hand in the air?
Need to wave 'em over here. Swear Simone's kissing Dan.
My head is twisted sever, body's rushing everywhere,
They could have texted me when they were near, but i'm fucked and i don't care.
(Lights are blinding my eyes)
What was i thinkin' about? Ah who cares, i'm maaaashed.
(People pushin' by, and walkin' off into the night)
Totally fucked, cant hardly fuckin' stand.
This is fuckin amazing; argh.

Hot Fuzz

Last night ended up being really exciting! I was supposed to go to bed early as I had a presentation at eight o'clock in the morning the following day, but things didn't quite go as planned.

I had two tickets to the premier of Hot Fuzz but wasn't sure if I would go since my date flaked on me. Then suddenly a pack of friends called and wondered if I would like to go to this really cool movie premier. Suddenly there was a whole gang going so I decided - What the heck. I'll be home by eleven. I had no idea what I was getting myself into obviously. This night ended nowhere near eleven o'clock.

We get to the movie and I guess a little review is in order considering all. It was a great fuggin movie! The best part was when the super cop was to disarm a little old lady and surprised the whole audience by dropkicking her in the face. It was so wrong it was right. It is the same guys who did "Shaun of the Dead" that made this flick and if you haven't seen SotD, make sure that you do. But it helps to be a bit toasted when watching them both.

After the movie the guys convinced me to go for "refreshments" at the afterparty that the organizers held at Solidaritet. So ok! Just one refreshment! Just one! I have to get up early tomorrow but.. I'll still be home be twelve so its still cool.

When we get there I went to order the first round (yeah I already dropped the one beer thought there) and discovered that the bar was free! Unfuggin believable.. I have to go to bed early and its a open bar for one hour.. But I'll be home by one so its still cool I guess. That would leave me with six full hours of sleep. I can do that.

When the beer started flowing a friend and me got into a heated argument where I didn't agree with his approach to meeting women. He would go up to women and ask them if they were a model and I felt that this sort of only made him come across as a nice daft guy who only tells her something that she already knows - That she looks good. But he wanted to prove me wrong and went for another target while me and F stood at the bar enjoying the show. Casanova actually did a half decent job but she never really got into him. I decided to get to the bottom of this and went to get her opinion on the matter.

I step up, Casanova introduces me , he heads towards the bathroom and leaves me with her. The first thing I notice is that she has a ring on her ring finger, but I can never remember which hand is the real deal and I wasn't out to meet women so I decided to let it go. We fluff for a minute or two and then I ask her about the model question and she tells me it was flattering but it never really got her interested in him, but he seemed nice. The dreaded "nice" word.. Often soon to be followed by the "lets just be friends" speech.

Then a old spark ignited within me.. I could feel him coming. Labereo Max was on his way. Labero Max is one of my alter egos who is really charming but mischievous to the core and he decided there and then that he would take over for the night. So Labero started to do the talking, starting with the soon to become classic - "No no its cool! But I would never have asked you something like that. It is obvious that you're not a model" and her jaw just dropped. After that we were best of buds and did stupid little magic tricks for each other. She was getting married by the way and now I know that it is the left hand which is the real deal.

The clock was now 2:30 AM and the three of us decided that it was a good idea to get something to eat before we went home, as it would make sure that I wouldn't be hungover when I woke. They have obviously not been reading my blog. We approached the wonderful golden arches of McDonalds and knew salvation was close. But who knew that we would have to go through one last trial before we could get home and remember.. Labero was still at the helm.

After ordering and waiting for our food Labero heard someone right behind him giving really condescending remarks to one our friends. Labero turns around, leans up against the desk and looks at the guy with a gleaming smile. The guy was scrawny little kid with a perfect backslick and the most annoying upperclass accent you'll ever find. Labero was thinking of hurting this brat, but he also noticed the five brat friends who were backing up little Ms Backslick with really stupid smiles. His pack was enjoying the show.

Ms Blackslick asked Labero if he wanted something but Labero just kept on smiling, not breaking eye contact. Ms Backslick turned around towards his friends and said loudly "Haha! Look at this guy! He think he is someone and look at that ragged old jacket. Why don't you go buy some new clothes! You look like a bum!" It was so on.. Me and Labero haven't been in a fight for ten years but now we were quite considering it as decent alternative. You can mess with me and Labero to an extent just don't touch our friends. But since they were six in total (just one too many) and we have a healing broken jaw, we decided to take the high road and just verbally bash this little douche. And most importantly, its seriously uncool to fight.. Write that down.

Now Labero went back to sleep and as I am the more evil one of the two, I took control again. Ms Backslick grabbed my jacket to show some detail that he didn't liked to his friends and I decided that now was as good time as any. I flung my arms up with a large movement while saying "HEY!" holding my arms like he was pointing a gun at me so I wasn't projecting any aggression. He misread the movement and thought I was about to hit him so he jumped back with a jolt and I had his full attention. Still keeping eye contact I explained very loudly and jovially so all his friends could hear "You know.. I'm not comfortable enough with my sexuality to have you touching me like that" and they all burst out laughing, all except Ms Backslick.

Then he gives me a little push and I start again "Hey! What did I just say? I'm flattered but you're really not my type!" and his friends burst out laughing again even louder. It is interesting how quickly the wind can change. Then saved by the bell our food was all done and we left to go to our table, leaving the pack behind.

Got into bed at 3:30 and it was a miracle that I stayed awake for the entire class. But a great night though!

Balls of Steel

Most people don't know this but I am the king and lone ruler of the Internet. It's quite a responsibility too I would have to admit. Every day I go out in my kingdom and view what kind of gifts my subjects have offered me during the night and scan through what my critical taste enjoys and who's going to dungeons. If you don't believe me I'll just shut down the net for a couple of days. I dare you.. Try me.

By doing my daily journeys I have gained a superior understanding of my lands and have now decided that its time to share some of my findings with all of you loyal subjects. The first of many that I will introduce you to is "Balls of Steel". BoS is a amazing English TV show that just loves go over that thin line of appropriateness and they have made their king very happy with the results. The program is basically divided into several acts but my favorites are "The Annoying Devil" and "Negs Urban Sports". The annoying devil goes around screwing with people and see how far he can push them before they explode and Negs comes up with various sports that all are on the verge of being illegal.

Here are two of my favorite clips from both the Devil and Negs but I recommend that you keep on searching a bit for more clips on your own. Enjoy!

I still enjoy wtiting my little stories the most but I'll try to add as many of these little Internet findings as possible. But they have to meet the royal standards of course.

Naaaah! I'm getting softer by the day.

I want this cat

Assassins

Yesterday I think I almost got F killed. It wasn't on purpose though! I believe that I was the intended target..

It all started with me and F meeting up for lunch. We finally decided that we would go check out my old girlfriend's job, which is a great Thai fast food place. It could have been hazardous to venture to the Thai place if she still would have worked there, but fortunately she has found love in London and hopefully don't hate me as much any more.

Anyway! When we get there we each take our own register and start to order and that is when I noticed that the guy at F's register is sort of eyeballing me. The cute little Thai girl that I was ordering from was a delight and a bit flirtatious, but the guy at F's register just wouldn't stop glancing intense looks at me. That was when I remembered that I had been introduced to him several times and I had managed to forget him each time as well. He had thing for my ex but I don't easily feel threatened and never really took notice of him.

F and I got our food and on our way to the table I just had to mention that "That guy totally gave me the evil eye" and F just laughed it off as me being paranoid. We sit down and start eating and after 30 seconds F's face suddenly shifts and his eyes' widened. Then he started to do the international sign for "my food is extremely spicy", which is flailing his hands in the air, having panic written on is face and grabbing towards anything liquid. I responded by doing the only appropriate thing that a friend can do when another friend is in such a situation, I started to laugh my head off.

After a couple of minutes when F's pain had started to ebb out we both investigated his food and found TWELVE full pieces of Piri Piris. Piri Piris is like the second strongest chili in the world and just to give you a reference.. When I use it to cook a pasta for eight people I use three which I grind up. Now this is of course Thai food but still! I healthy young man would have gone in to cardiac arrest if he would eat twelve Piri Piris.

My yellow curry chicken was absolutely delicious though. *Note to self. Never order from the guy with the evil eye.*

The kids are our future

I'm going to hell for sure. Why can I never just stop before things get out of hand?

Today my nephew had a Laserdoom birthday party. This involves that you put on a big flashing suit, getting a small gun (which basically is a laser pointer) and every time you get hit your suit vibrates for a second or two. There had somehow been a misunderstanding by the kids that it actually hurt when you got hit, so most of them were a bit nervous.

I get to my nephew's school where I was supposed to help transport all the kids to the Laserdoom place and three kids were handed out to me. Can you believe this? People are actually trusting me with other people's kids now a day?

Our little quartet went to my car (aka the Batmobile) and the first thing the kids say is "Wow! What a cool car!" and start raving about it. This kind of threw me of at first, but made me feel a lot less hostile towards the little creatures. I thought that this might not be such a terrible thing. But then.. Ten seconds in to the ride the kid who called shotgun started to talk about his dad's car.. How much bigger it was bla bla bla and here is where things went sour.

I smoothly just mentioned the subject about Laserdoom being painful and the kids did a great work amongst themselves of getting scared. Then I casually mentioned that I used to laserdoome quite a lot when I was small and here is the part that kids have to learn. Don't trust everything an adult tells you. Sometimes he's just not a nice person. Sometimes.. Sometimes it could be me your dealing with. Write that down.

The kids explode into a frenzy of questions, most of which had something to do with the pain level of being hit and I did the only thing I could do in such a situation. I scared the shit out the little buggers. I told them how their legs could give out from the pain but how it was worth it because you could do the same to everyone else and boy did I get their attention. Now they spoke even faster than before and I think that one of them actually started to hyper-ventilate at one point.

We finally get to the place and the little rats runs straight up to my big brother with their scared little faces and start telling on me all the things I said in the car to them. Shit.. Here comes lecture I thought, but then I almost got a tear in my eye from the joy of having such a great family.

My brother simply responded "Hey! There is no need to worry! You see.. You can choose between two settings. So the gun either just really burns like hell or it can make you bleed. See? No problem.". Then my brother's wife had to sort everything out and ruin it. But I still would like to think that I hopefully scarred the younglings at least a little bit.

I love kids.

Memories!

I'm dedicating this day to Robbie Williams. I know this sounds extremely manly but I had my playlist on random and one of my summer songs came up which led to that a flood of great memories came back to me.

It brought me back to laying on the beach in Monte Carlo this summer struggling with approach anxiety as I was there alone and had to make friends. I conquered my fears, made a bunch of friends and had a blast. Those kind of memories should not be belittled so today I'm going to pest my room mates with singing Robbie Williams songs all day and all night long!

And here was my view when I had breakfast every morning. Not too shabby if I had to say it myself. Just click the picture to be amazed!

Back in biz

The power of the hat in indisputable after yesterdays night clubbing!

After a great warm up at my place everyone was a bit tipsy and in a great mood I decided that my old relic would get to come out with me and take a couple of drinks and boy was he happy. The relic is an old cowboy hat that you can clearly see on that it has gone through battle. It is a bit crooked and some parts of the weave have started crumble but it still looks great! Well depending on what kind of mood your in anyway.

So me and my hat went out into the wonderful feeding frenzy which is Stockholm on a Saturday night and owned every place we entered. I know of course that my hat may not be the most fashionable item but we have the most wonderful synergy when we are together that can't be ignored and people seem to notice this as well. You know.. Sometimes I'm just a attention whore.

Now its time for the wonderful part where I have to clean up the apartment and my hat will help or he will get an earful.

The shit

Ok, even if to snow comes back I don't care. From now on its spring charging towards summer! That together with that I've got my car back which meant that I just had to burn a new cd for the car. So when I'm cruising down Karlavagen people are at least annoyed by some great music. Yeah I know you can hear but I don't care. It sure as hell made you race over the sidewalk grandma.

Just remembered when one of friends vowed that he would never ride in my car again after I played the Batman theme with my speakers maxed out while driving by Stureplan with open windows. But if you ride in the Batmobile you'll suffer the consequences. Write that down.

But here for the songs!

1. Sugarcult - How Does It Feel
2. 30 Seconds to Mars - The Kill
3. The Goo Goo Dolls - Let Love In
4. Otherwise - Somehow
5. tAKiDA - Burning Inside
6. Panic! At the Disco - I Write Sins Not Tragedies
7. Stone Sour - Through Glass
8. The Killers - Mr Brightside
9. Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You
10. Dishwalla - Angels or Devils
11. The Kooks - Naive
12. Blessid Union of Souls - I Believe
13. Swirl 360 - Okay
14. The All-American Rejects - Swing, Swing
15. Candlebox - Far Behind
16. Jimmy Eat World - Bleed American
17. Sick Puppies - Mastered - All The Same
18. Sugarbomb - Hello
19. Alter Bridge - Open Your Eyes
20. Fall Out Boy - This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race

Just Press Delete

Seriously! Why are there so many completely useless blogs?

"Today I met Bla and we had a coffee. He was nice. Later I watched a movie on the TV and it was funny. Then I went to bed. Bye bye!"

I been checking out the competition and I can not for my life understand why my blog isn't at least among the top ten i Sweden yet. Ok! I know my promotion activities haven't exactly been top notched but its getting there! On top of that I have to admit that there are a couple of pretty decent blogs out there that even I have begun to check out on a regular basis. But I won't give out any names until they promote me as well. You have to give some to get some Mr Schulman. There are really some good writers out there though.

But what are people thinking? I'll just have a diary on the net that is pretty much as exciting as garden work, watching paint dry or waiting for the crocodiles at the zoo to do something. I'll describe mundane things I do all day in a way so it is not even remotely close to being interesting. AAAaah! I have made an oath to make you disappear and so it will be. I'll just leave those blogs I like to last. Sorry but you have to go..

I would like to think that what I say at least have some weight behind it and those times I just feel light hearted that I am able to draw out a smile. But then again.. I'm just in it for the cash, cars and hoes. Holla!

Beautiful Patterns

Today beauty is something common. But being beautiful is so easy. All you need is a bit of luck in the gene pool and your there! But is that enough? Maybe for Ms Right Now but you can't always be looking for her. Even though its pretty fun and when the alcohol is doing the talking sometimes she is even quite charming. But really.. Its just not enough.

What most women doesn't know is that most men would date a girl solely based only on her looks. Her personality could be rationalized away by amplifying those relatively small attributes that are positive and her looks will block out all those little annoying habits of hers', such as being insufferably stupid could be an example.

Women on the other hand have this beautiful defence where their attraction to someone is a roller coaster ride, with ups and downs that are just simply wonderful, and this is one of the many reasons I love women. All women are of course very different but you all have certain commonalities that you share. Wonderful commonalities.. My favorite womanly paradox are those who have a combination of an über high and ultra-low confidence at the same time and you have to be careful not to tread on either. This is what can truly attract me to a woman. Those beautiful patterns inside her head and trying to figure out all her wonderful quirks. Often it isn't easy but most things worth doing often aren't.

I know that I may not be the best man for women out there as I have a tendency to end up hurting people. But I think that even though things might end up in flames, the ride there is often worth it.

Teachers say the darndest things

It is just not fair. I wish from the bottom of my heart that every one of my friends had been there. I'm currently taking Human Resource Management at the University of Stockholm and there is general consensus by the students that the teachers and English isn't exactly a match made in heaven. It is almost like that the teachers all decided that the only correct pronunciation is the one closest to Swedish phonetics and if they don't know a word a good way to cover is to simply use the Swedish equivalent, with a strong English accent. In the long run this can be somewhat infuriating but sometimes.. Sometimes there is a gem that the whole world ought to have understood. And here is that gem..

While sitting in class, almost daydreaming as it was unusually uninformative, our teacher suddenly feelt she had to clarify something. But before that, a description of the teacher is a must. She is around seventy years old and thinks that it is perfectly appropriate with just a little bit of cleavage. That means that you can accidentally catch a glimpse of her voluptuous old wrinkled chest and just enough to scar you for life. So back to her clarification! Swedes will get this immediately but the rest of you will get an explanation afterwards. But don't worry.. I think you'll get the point any way.

"Hemm! Just to clarify.. Waiters in a restaurant can easily be replaced as they are easily trained but a really good and experienced cock (not cook) is just so hard to find"

If you missed it re-read the last part. The first time she said I thought that I had misheard what she said. I just couldn't have heard that correctly. But then..

"A good cock is something that can't be easily replaced and is often a HUGE asset to the restaurant. Especially if the cock is specially trained."

This is where I lost it. I started to look around the classroom and when I saw how everyone's faces was starting to squirm I just couldn't hold it in! I tried to mask the laughter with a cough but only made it sound like an alien mating call and the whole class bursted out laughing. The best thing was that the teacher thought it was the mating call that had triggered the class and she started to laugh as well while shaking her head at me. After that I had to pinch myself while at the same time going through the whole family tree just not to loose it again. For all you English speaking out there. The Swedish word for cook sounds almost exactly like the english word cock.

Give my regards to the chef.

Payback

I wouldn't say that I easily hold grudges, but you know.. Sometimes what goes around comes around. Six years ago me and my two friends were on the night train going on vacation to drink, ski and fornicate our cute little asses beyond all recognition. But before we arrived I made the number one mistake that you just can't do around people who love you in a mischievous way. I fell asleep before them.. What I concluded from the aftermath was that they had tried the old "foam in the hand" trick but when they tickled my face I never scratched the itch, which meant that I was just lying there with foam in my hand. This was not enough for the two little red-necks, so they upped the ante by just spraying my face until I woke up with a burning rage that just happened to wake up the rest of the passengers in our cart. A wonderful memory.

Well now! Now I will get my true revenge! I found the most beautiful thing one person can do on someone else without being pure evil. They will probably claim afterwards that I have done many many things that were far worse back to them since that foamy night, but I've chosen not to remember those occasions so my revenge will be fully validated.

Well.. The plan is pretty simply. I will drink them both under the table and when they pass out at my place I will light their feet on fire and film it. This might.. I repeat might seem just cruel. But it really isn't! They only burn their feet mildly and while putting the fire out a hilarious dance will takes place! This is so wonderful. I would like to say that I was the creator of this marvelous idea, but I was inspired by a video on the net. So if you would like to get an idea what's going to happen you can take a look here. The only difference is that I will use "Scatman John - I´m a Scatman" in my video.

I'm not evil.. And you're not fat. No really, you're not fat.

Write more please... ok!

Hey everyone! I know I have been bad at updating this blog. The thing is that I started to write down all my thoughts in my calender instead which made things go south. Calenders are evil.. Don't be fooled by that they help you keep appointments. Pure evil I tell you! But now thing will start to roll! And here follows a quote that I promise to use to help at least three friends get laid.



Daniel: Kat, meet Larence, Larence, this is Kat... Larence is lonely single and I thought you two ought to meet and exchange numbers and fluids...
Kat: Aw, thanks, but I have a boyfriend.
Daniel: Yeah, but things aren't going well for you, are they?
Kat: Yes they are, we've been going out for 3 and a half years.
Daniel: Well, the sex can't be that good lately...
Kat: Well the sex was never good, but that's not the point...
-Aiming for progress

Angels and Demons

Noticed something today that I have to figure out but I have a theory though. Babies stop crying, talking, eating, taking a dump or whatever as soon as they make eye-contact with me. Then if we keep looking at each other a little smile starts to spread on their fat little faces. It's really quite adorable.

But here is the odd part.. If I start giving of a little crooked smile back the baby immediately stops to smile and focus their eyes sharply. They look almost suspicious as if something is terribly wrong.

And finally.. if I say anything the little bastards look like I'm about eat them or something. You can really see the terror on the little buggers and they start screaming like a bat out of hell. Animals don't seem to mind me speak or smile though, but those pesky little snot-faces..

And my conclusion from this might sound a bit far fetched, but hear me out. I have the aura of a beautiful winged angel that send out good vibes the little creatures pick up on, babies can see these things you see. But as I smile my true aura starts seeping through.. They can see it in my eyes. Something isn't right here and as I open my mouth the gig is up and my energy is transformed into that of a sultry demon. I'm not really terrifying in appearance but they know.. They know how sweet words can steer and change mortal men and woman, especially if accompanied with that crooked smile and that is when they try to warn their parents. But it's cool.. I'm not that into moms anyway.

Se you in eighteen years kid.