Quote of the weekend

"I've been thinking about it... And I've come to a conclusion... I'm going to let you suck my dick for free."-Matt

And who said that there are no gentlemen out there any more?

A letter of hate

I hate you so much. There is no end to the grievance you have given me and I will never forgive you for what you have done to me over the years. You've emptied my bank account at three separate occasions, just because you had a fit. You have thrown away literally hours of work in front of my eyes. You have spit me in the face and laughed while doing so.

Even though you're great in many ways I feel that our time together will have to substantially diminish and I think I might be leaving you for someone else.

When that finally happens I have decided to give you to my little sister. Tough deal? You bet. But that is what happens when you unleash the FURY of the Max!

I am of course speaking about my computer. It crashed on me again three days ago and I was in tears with the prospect of loosing all my beloved music, movies and pictures! Pure panic ran through my body.

But, after three days of epic battle, my roomie popped in and asked me what I've been so upset about the last couple of days. I explained the situation to him, he took a look at the computer and solved the problem - Within five minutes.

In five damn minutes he solved what I couldn't figure out in three days! I absolutely hate him and I might have to kill him in his sleep.

But since he saved all my stuff I'll spare him. For now..

Fire

Me and my very good friend F were talking on MSN about last night and I was still in awe of him getting up at eight, doing his manly duty by going to work.

While we both tried to profess our well being I checked out the local newspaper's homepage. This only to find that a large fire had broken out in an area that is considered to be somewhat of Stockholm's "worker's area".

Don't get me wrong! I love this part of town! Well.. like at least. But nonetheless, it is still pretty much labelled as mentioned above.

On MSN
Maximilian: Hey! A huge fire has broken out on Sodermalm!
F: Really?
F: Finally.

So I guess that's it. People on Sodermalm deserves burning deaths according to some of my friends.

Smile Bitch

Today I became a man again. No more chained by the attributes of total youth.

Two years ago I got the unfathomable news that I was going to get braces. This at the tender age of 21. Fortunately, at the time, I had a gorgeous girlfriend who loved me more than to let a face full of metal deter her. God I loved that woman.

Somehow I got used to the routine of cleaning my teeth five times a day, explaining to people why a full grown man had a set of braces and once a month getting my "period" as the cruel bastards tightened my braces (making them an effective method of torture). For five days, every five weeks, Satan would have told me to be nicer.

I also noticed when going through my pictures that I haven't had one full out smile in two years. But all of that is now over. Watch out cause' Mr Colgate is back! But foremost..

I am free again. *Wish you could see the smile on my face*

Up and Down

Elevators have the mundane task to go up and sometimes even down. To make thing even more complicated for the poor things, they have stop at the right floor as well. It is not really the most difficult job in the world.

I don't know if it is out of spite or boredom but my elevator has rebelled against me. The situation has not exactly reached the same level as Terminator 2 or I, Robot but things are heating up. My elevator is just damn evil.

Things started out with that, one day that my useless keys just didn't work. I twisted the poor thing until, I swear to god, it screamed for me to stop. Then I also noticed that someone had stolen my beloved "Beware of the killer chihuahua"-sign on my door which made me really mad. But I kept on trying to get my keys to work like a madman -- I had to get in right!?

Then it hit me, I was on the wrong floor.. And had been basically been trying to break into my neighbors apartment for past five minutes. I rushed up to my own floor properly embarrassed and scared that they would open their door, but I thought that I just pressed the wrong button. I was wrong.

This was the start of our war. Mr Elevator is now officially my nemesis. Now he simply doesn't stop at my floor anymore. Instead he opts for the floor below, just to mess with me. So I have to press the sixth floor and then punch the emergency stop so I can get of at my place. Yeah that's normal..

The best thing was yesterday when I was on my way down with my roomie and a seriously loud KLONK sound came, not once but twice. That was when I reached my limit and called the "If you have problems with your elevator call bla bla bla". They answered surprisingly fast, and I was still on my way down when I was explaining the situation when something white and large just flew down in front of me!

Guy on phone - "That sort of sounded like something fell down"
Me - "YOU THINK!"

I'm not getting on that fucker until I know they had it properly fixed. And of course I live on the fifth floor.

"Twi Twi Twi!"

I don't know why but I've never really liked hamsters. I just don't see their purpose here on earth other than possibly feeding a large bird or two. They smell, make annoying little chirping noises and if they are let out of their cages.. They shit all over the place.

The thing is though.. I have something to horrifying confess. Once I did something terrible to a hamster.. Something terribly funny that is, haha!

I was at this friend's house warming up for a night on the town. But through the music you could consistently hear his little sister's hamster going ballistic in it's cage. F told me to just leave the little bugger alone but when he was in the bathroom and I was making new drinks I couldn't help myself.

The little hairball was drinking on one of those water dispensers that they have to use a straw to get their water. So I go over to the little creature, watching him getting his drink on, when a stroke of genius hit me. Lets see what happens if I just push on the water bottle a little! And thus creating a large flow of water exploding into the little hamster's mouth. So I did and I can't stop laughing when I thinking about it!

The little guys cheeks expanded like a small bomb had gone off which made them look like two small furry balloons and you could see the total shock in his beady little eyes! Then he ran for his life while going "TWI TWI TWI!!" and hid under the sawdust in his little house remaining completely quiet for the rest of the night.

So if you got an annoying hamster you now know what to do.

Anecdotes part 1"The Cruise"

Today I was eating out with a couple of friends having a blast when it hit me. I absolutely love telling stories. As we all traversed down memory lane sharing funny anecdotes I started to think that this is what I should do for you guys. So this will be the start of an ongoing series of stories here in the blog with great old tales from my life.

"The Cruise"
Almost everyone I know has a guy in their social circle that really is that guy. He is the guy that always somehow end up in the most precarious situations that you would otherwise believe that the twilight zone would have to be responsible for to happen. I adore this guy. He is always a blast to be around but sometimes.. Sort of goes of the far end. And here follows the story of what happened on the infamous Silja Line cruise. As I'm writing this I am not sure if I should be censuring this story. In a worst case scenario just add 30 percent more flavour to the story and you'll get the picture.

The whole thing started out with a girl that I was dating invited me and C to join her and her four girlfriends on a cruise. I thought what the hell, migth be fun. It's strange when you can be so right and so wrong at the same time.

Anyway! Of some strange reason this ship felt like it had to depart eight o'clock in the morning. At least three hours too early, by my definition, when it is your day off. But we meet up with the girls, shake paws, board the ship and start looking for our two cabins. Within an hour we had got our supplies from the liqueur store and starting drinking. It was beautiful. I had my first shot of vodka before I had breakfast and this is basically where the twilight zone started to come down on us. From here on this is what I decided to share with you guys.

To start of with: If you ever have had the idea to have sex in one those playroom "sea of colorful balls". Just don't. It is not worth it in anyway, not even as a funny story.

The second interesting thing that I learned was that the poor people who clean these boats should be given a medal and psychiatrist. A nice little surprise was bestowed upon us when we found a large steaming pile of puke exactly outside our door. We actually had to jump over it to get out.

C started to freak out quite early when he had one of his great ideas. This one involved that people who is standing should be laying down. The people in question did not have a choice in the matter either. It was amazing that someone didn't kill him but you sort of can't get mad at him. It's like being mad at a puppy for biting your finger.

But anyway! We hadn't seen C in a couple of hours and started to worry so we sent out a search party. About an hour later we head back to our cabin and of course he is right where we started.. But he is not alone. There are eleven little terrified looking kids and all with a beer tightly gripped in their hands. Then C when he sees us he flashes a huge smile and exclaims "THESE ARE MY LITTLE GERMAN BUDDIES!". They were all German konfermanders (going through their second baptism). How the hell did he find these kids?

But the best part was when we finally got back to Stockholm. Me and the girls were waiting at the exit, where we probably looked like we had been to hell and back and bought the t-shirt. But then finally C comes slowly walking towards looking extremely grumpy. He doesn't even acknowledge our presence. Then out of nowhere this really old skangly looking lady comes walking out and yells out with a really heavy finish accent "C! There you are!" and C just lights up! They embrace and then she proceeds to give him back his wallet, ID, car keys and Walkman. Seriously.. I don't like to curse but.. What the fuck?

To this day I have never found out what happened between the old lady and C.

EDIT: I am not happy. I feel terrible even. From this day one I promise never to censor a story again. It is all the way or no fuggin way at all.

Poker with the Devil

I can still not for the life of me understand or remember why I started to play poker. Maybe it was the large amounts of money that I was going to make or the possible recognition from friends that led me to hope that I too could quickly become a pro.

Instead this damned game has on several times been close to giving me a gut wrenching heart-attack, it is directly responsible that my keyboard isn't fully functional anymore and there is a gash in the wall that magically appeared after a bad beat. A bad beat for those who isn't aware with the term is when you are inches from a mountain of wonderful money and instead the computer spits you in the face while twisting your balls. Honest to god it does. You almost feel like puking. Your opponent obviously all of the sudden sold his soul to the devil in order to take home the pot.

The kink is though.. In total I have invested about 250 dollars in learning the game of no limit hold'em poker. When I lose, to me a mind numbingly and sickening bad beat, I lose at most around maybe 30 dollars. When my friends who actually does this for living has a really bad beat they lose thousands dollars.

So what I love to do is consistently share my bad beat stories with my poker playing buddies just to let them know that they are not alone. That there are hobby players out there like myself who understand them fully. They try to point out that I only lose a fraction of their loss but I know better than to listen to them. I don't really care when they lose their money.. If they would have lost my money I would have been furious!

So if your interested in learning texas no limit holdem I'm available for lessons for the meager price of 99$ a lesson. You have to give some to get some. Write that down.

Suprise!

I'll update you on the Valborg festivities tomorrow! Here is a great little cartoon in the meanwhile. Signing out!

The Peaceful Warrior

Just saw a wonderful movie. Found the trailer on apple trailers ages ago and right away felt that this was a movie that I had to see. But the movie never made to it Swedish theaters and not even to the video stores, so I just sort of forgot about the whole thing.

Then yesterday I was browsing through new movies on Pirate Bay and there it was.. I couldn't believe it. Popped it for download and just now shared it with A. Who just happened to fall asleep during it.. I hope that she was just exhausted because I loved the movie.

It shows you how to live in the moment. Not to think of the outcome and not to be guided by the past. How there is never not anything happening. To get rid of all the garbage that clouds your mind. It made me think. More than usual.. Why I desire the things I want.

If you don't like the thinking part you can still see the movie because of the action, hot girls and guys grinding and all the mad hip hop beats. But they are a bit into the movie.. So listen to the stuff they are saying just for a laugh and then there is the big reward with tits and ass. I promise! Tits and ass for the whole family.

A fool proof plan

Hahaha! I should really be studying now but.. Just had to share.

Steve: If she starts getting mad at you for cheating, just take your dick out and stick it in her mouth... that'll either give her something useful to do with her mouth, or give her something else to be angry about and maybe forget about the whole "you cheating" thing.
Blake: I dunno...
-On shaky plans

By the way! Didn't mean tattoos on the last post. I'll explain the whole thing tomorrow. I hate the SWOT model (current school assignment). Have to get done.. You're busting my balls here. Balls, busting them.

Eightball

I've done quite a few things that have shocked people while I was drunk but this time at least I made the decision when I was sober. I will admit that I went through with the decision while very intoxicated though. There is courage in Absolut Kurant, Apple Smirnoff and Sprite.

I wont say what I have done but I can say that this post's picture could be a clue. And the best thing is that I don't regret a thing. Wentworth Miller ain't got shit on me.

I would not mess with her..

Ok.. let me draw you a picture. Its the end of the month. You're a bit late on the rent and suddenly you hear a loud knocking on your chamber door. Who could it be pray tell? Its the no other than the Landlord.

Even got a bit poetic there! But still, the feeling you want is fear, pure terrifying fear.

Just watch the clip.. You will cry, laugh and drift into a catatonic state. You'll love it.

LP

Guess who is coming to town!? And guess who forgot to buy tickets.. Well to get back to my last post I actually kept postponing buying them until the tickets suddenly were sold out. So now I will have to get them at a scalper at twice the price but I don't care cause I'm going. I'm going and I'm going to rock out with Linkin Park. Don't even care if I have to go alone. I'll be everyone in the audience new best friend and the band will dedicate the concert to me. I will stage dive naked while singing "numb" together with Chester on an extra microphone. On the next concert the band will sell t-shirts with my face on it. This is how crazy it will get. Just to give you a heads-up.

And if you haven't heard it.. Their new song What I've Done is sweet. Shibby!

And I hope you like the little before and after of the band! So if you look like Chester used to know that you still have a chance.

A new beginning?

Well.. I'm basically sick and tired of being sick and tired without a single reason. So, what to do? The first thing is that I''m going to share my plan with anyone interested enough to listen and have them bust my balls like a demon from hell if I don't follow my own new creed. And I heard that if you share your plan with others the success rate increases dramatically but failure is not an option here.

With any problem you have to figure out a reasonable solution and commit yourself to go through with that solution all the way. No half measures god dammit. In order to gain something, something of equal value must be sacrificed. If you want more money, work more. If you want to get bigger, train harder. Very few things here in life is free and those that are should be cherished.

So first things first. I will appreciate those that are close to me and make sure that they know how much I appreciate them. Maybe not in words because I feel that actions speak a lot louder.

I will have a dramatic decrease of female encounters. I have to stop meeting women in order to confirm that I'm desired. I'm not sure if I'm looking for something but now I know at least what I don't want. From now on its just fun gaming! I want to get back to the old me where I just loved talking to everyone around me.

Third.. No more shortcuts in life. I often blame not being able to do much because of school and at intervals this is very true. But in those periods in between I will get of my lazy ass and get things done. I will start to train again as I know how great I feel from everything that comes from that part of my life. I will start more side projects in order to get money to fund this summer. I want to travel through Europe but I want to have a good friend to go with me. Going alone can be great but I want to share this with someone. And the last short-cut is my goddamn room. I've been talking about fixing it up for months now but its time to really make it mine and make/keep it look just awesome.

Finally I want to say thanks. Thank you for giving me this life because it has infinite potential and all I have to do is get of my ass and find fulfillment. I my life isn't what I want it to be then I will change it. Those steps above are the first many to come.

Out of this world

Yesterday was on of those days which makes you glad just to be a part of this wonderful world!

It all started out like a normal Thursday with some beers and Wii gaming at F's place and ended in bliss with free hamburgers. In the middle of an exciting SSX run with mad flailing we got the call that would change our night. A friend of ours that we had planned to meet up with first broke the news to us that he couldn't go out that night BUT! But he had three bottles of champagne waiting for us at Plaza (a million thanks P!). The catch was though that we had to get there in 45 minutes but with the proper encouragement (liqueur) I and F can accomplish anything. So we downed a couple of shots and threw ourselves in a cab that had taken a couple racing lessons, but we didn't mind.

After that everything got a bit blurred.. But there were some highlights!

Stockholm's biggest gay persona aka Tito explained just how horny he was and how F had a shot at him. Love Tito but he gets a bit profuse when intoxicated. Something that F experienced!

A former world and Olympic wrestling champion told me that we ought to hang out more.

Got free hamburgers at McDonalds due to inspiration from O. If he can do it I can do it.

Had a girl apologize that she couldn't go home with me. I didn't want her to. Or did I? Naaaah!

Got two hours of sleep before I went to pick up my cousin at the train station!

And guess what.. Tonight is going to get even more crazy!

Deathgrip

Forgot to mention a beautiful little piece of info from the party bonanza!

It was when J got into a fight. It was really unnecessary but the whole thing was so funny that I just had to mention it.

Me and J were heading back to Berns when some dude made some random remark at J. Instead of dropping it J made his stand and took use of his Deathgaze which didn't seem to do much on his assailant which kept dropping remarks. So J opted for the much feared Deathgrip and grabbed the guy by his collar at arms length and continued with the Deathstare. Still the assailant wouldn't crumble and instead he went to attack.

The next part was a bit blurry since I was terribly drunk and my conviction is always that a clean fight one on one should stay that way. So I stayed out of it but there seemed to be a draw. No I give J the victory simple on stature.

J would have made a great Spartan. More on Spartans tomorrow.

This will destroy my social life.

Or maybe it won't but it is still so cool!

F sent this to me so I can't take full credit but this site is absolutely incredible. You can see any show that you can think of basically and stream it directly to your computer. On top of that the site is full of movies!

This page will definitely be there for me to satisfy those few boring moments in my life.

Enjoy and thank me later.

Women.. Why won't you learn?

I seldom profess my views on women other than various positive statements at irregular intervals. I may have been known to to tease at times but sometimes out there someone has a message that just can't be ignored..

I won't say if this represents my own views but either way this is simply amazing.

Watch these two clips and write a little comment if you agree or not.

Women know your limits.

Women and cars.

Told you I would be back

Back from the dead! This weekend was full of recuperating and mental oblivion, but in the opposite order. As promised there was a major harbinger of party bonanza and not more than six hours after the exam was handed in the point of no return was long gone.

The highlight reel made its appearance again as I woke up in the morning naked with blasting music, facing the wrong side of the bed and finding an untouched hot dog laying directly on my keyboard. I put on the official "I'm hungover" cowboy hat, my aviator glasses and wrapped a small towel around my waist. Holding it tight with one hand and massaging the back of my head with the other as I took aim towards the kitchen.

Of course.. I had forgot that my roomies mom slept over so I gave her quite a scare when I barged into the kitchen growling and drinking directly from the sink with my interesting choice of clothing. But she knows how charming I usually am so I think that she still keeps me in highest regard.

An hour later when I met up with the guys to get something to eat and puzzle the night back together I quickly came to understand that the grey areas of the night before were a bit larger than I had expected.

The first hint came when the guys started to talk about new place called NEU. I asked where the club was and they gave me long confused look before explaining to me that we all were there last night. Great.. If I hadn't won all that money on roulette earlier that night I would have been so golden.

The second thing was when a cute girl suddenly stopped in her tracks and started to smile at me. Yeah.. we had talked all night last night and she wasn't even a faint memory but I pulled through and gave her a big hug. She probably understood that I didn't remember her name at least when I called her "Darling" for the third time but, cest la vié.

I have really started to love those hangover days when the guys take walks in the sun, just enjoying life and small surprises keep on popping up here and there.