Delicious Food

How come each time I'm on my own I eat terrible and unhealthy food? I've become some what of a gourmand with pre-processed food where I add some ingredients to whatever and make it look decent. The meal looks decent but it is still just garbage in terms of food. There is a reason that Chicky-Bits is called Chicky instead of chicken.

I have even noticed that sometimes I invite friends over just so that I have a reason to cook something real. If you think that this might mean you.. It doesn't. I mean someone completely else and that statement had nothing to do with you. The only reason I had you over was because you were such a god damn god laugh and great company. Right?

But this is now going to change! At least half of all meals must be considered "good food" and to be sure that my body doesn't go in to shock I will have to up my candy dosage by 300 percent. I like being healthy.

Revelation

What the world need is love. Sometimes you find music and sometimes music finds you. This song found me. I still don't know how it ended up before me but since then a lot more people recognized the power of this song combined with the video that made it famous.

When you see this video I want you to look at the face of the old woman and try to feel her appreciation of something so simple. Feel the warmth.

And gang.. This is sooo happening this summer. I'll get the signs and you'll do the hugging.

Say what?

I was on the phone with someone who will go unmentioned.. But! She is a semi-celebrity who of some reason never has to pay for her cab rides. Not with money anyway..

Anyhow! We had been talking on the phone for almost twenty minutes about this and that, then from nowhere she says - "Ahh.. That's strange.. My telephone is glowing. Almost like I'm talking to someone on the phone".

It isn't easy when you're not used to your new hands-free set and hungover. I guess..

Also here is a wonderful quote I found on a really cool homepage


Chris: So I fucked her... again tonight.
Dobyns: Dude, you're so gross I would never fuck her.
Chris: This is coming from the same guy who fucked Jamie and said "LOOSEST VAGINA EVER."
Dobyns: I've also fucked a bald chick.
Chris: Why am I friends with you?
Dobyns: Because you need a friend who has weirder and grosser sexual encounters so it makes you feel better about yourself. Dorele fucked a batch of cookie dough and he's my best friend.
-The true meaning of friendship

Strange lyrics

Everyone loves good lyrics. I didn't.. I used to concentrate solely on the melody. The words were just another instrument with varying quality. But I still liked to sing along to whatever song I happened to be listening at the moment, probably of some sadistic reason. So by some strange circuitry in my brain I could sing along with almost any song I liked. But if someone asked me to recite the lyrics I drew a blank. I sort of knew the phonetics and pitch of the songs but never took the time to let the words and meaning sink in to my head. I've got a lot better at listening to the lyrics though and sometimes even appreciating them.

But this has led to that I now can sing along to quite a few foreign songs where I don't have fuggin clue what I'm saying. There is the french song Elisa. I can sort of figure most of the lyrics as is goes "Elisa" over and over, but I'm still annoyed that I don't have an idea about the words in between. So I started to make up my own English lyrics were Elisa gives herself as a Christmas present to a small boy. Elisa have serious issues.. Another one of those songs were Piu' Bella Cosa by Eros Ramazzotti but with the Italian songs I have now learnt to understand some of the lyrics! This have made me understand just how stupid some of the lyrics I sang were.. "Lake of light" my ass. Damn hippie.

My next step is to try to understand all the Japanese cartoon songs I learnt from when I was small. Yeah you heard me.. When I was small. Really small.. It is not like I watch stuff like that today. That would be silly. But if I ever meet a beautiful Japanese at least I can serenade her with the song I call Yura Yura and here is taste

Yura Yura to yuganda sonae ki mi nome to e tonda yuuuuuke!

If someone have the slightest of a clue what I sang please let me know. Go Naruto!

Comics

When I was four and just had moved to London my mom found a great way of keeping me occupied while she was doing her photo shoots. She went out and got me a pile of comics that I could work my way through. Fortunately, she asked the guy in the comic store what a little guy would like instead of a four year old, soon to be five ought to read, which resulted that I actually got some cool comics. There were Bat-, Spider-, Superman and X-men. I didn't read at the time but I liked to pictures and understood quickly enough who to root for since they usually were on the cover as well. After I had looked through them all I decided that I would make a couple of comics myself so I got a pair of scissors and began my super collage of heroic comics. This sounds like a very creative thing to do when being so young, but since I later found out that most of the comics I used for my collage were actually collectibles maybe I could have used something else.

A year or so ago I found an old box of comics up in the attic. There were some first edition copies of Superman and Batman in the UK. They would have been worth a pretty little sum if I had not cut out most the pictures and painted horns on all the bad guys.

That shows you that its not a good idea to let kids play with scissors or read the bible.

No More Hangovers but..

I don't know what I did or who to thank but I've lost the ability to have a good hangover.

Saturday I decided to test my new super power by seeking the limits of what I'm now capable. It all started with the arrival of wonderful set of people, who all was on a quest to test just how hungover it is physically possible to get. Well, maybe not directly but definitely indirectly! I distributed a couple of rounds of my soon to famous drink called Russia 95'. The thing with this drink is that you are not really supposed to enjoy it, at least not the first one, but its purpose is to help the victim sky rocket into a state of bliss. A groggy bliss but nonetheless!

After a heavenly start our little group of creatures of the night went out into the dark moonlit city and here is were the mystery starts. From here on the nights memories became more of a highlights reel where you only recollected those top memories of the night. But I do remember the smile on my face and that I had so many interesting things that I just had to share with people around me. It didn't really matter if they wanted to listen because its impolite not to listen to strangers, especially if that stranger is me.

Then to top things, the next day S called to quiz me on what had happened (she was suffering from amnesia as well) and together we started to puzzle the night back. This was when I noticed and realized the full consequence of my metamorphosis to a party animal... Instead of a hangover my head suddenly weighed twice it's original weight, the whole world went in slow-motion and both my long-time and short-time memory was shot to hell. This would be good time to recuperate right? Instead I went climbing. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. That sounds like a really good idea.

From one thing to another! I promised you pictures and pictures thou shalt receive! This picture is the reason I was nicknamed Einstein when I was little. I usually say that it's because I was so smart. But here is the truth and for those who don't "get it", compare the hair. I looked like that every morning when I woke up.

Around the icy world

Today I met up with my friend A for a nice stroll. She isn't anywhere close to being home as much as I would like her to be. So every time we meet up its really nice catch up and just share all those thoughts that have been running around our heads. Usually stuff that we don't exactly disclose to most people around us, mainly because we are really too ashamed to even think about them. This is exactly why I’m gonna share all the juicy secrets that A has been keeping! You might ask yourself why anyone would do something so awful. Well I have a blog to get rich from and I'll do whatever it takes. So let’s get started!

Well there is one more reason now when I think about it.. I just found out today that A is actually reading my blog! This is more than welcomed but it just made me have to mess with her a bit. Sorry no secret revealing today sickos and to be honest it's mostly me with the sickening secrets which makes A give me condescending looks followed by constant questions why we are friends. But that's the way I like it!

Another thing to think of is if you get the idea to take a really long walk in February - do it indoors or wait until June. It is just too cold. Way too damn cold. Did I mention it was cold?

I also found a couple of great old pictures when I was out at my dad's place yesterday. I'll share them with you soon! I'm not wearing a shirt on two of them..

Spider-man is such a wannabe Maximilian

I can finally say that I've started to climb! I was close on stating this last Friday, after my first climbing experience, but "friends" kept pointing out that I had only climbed once. What do they know? But now I've got the membership card and everything! Today I'm off to get some equipment and I'm feeling manlier by the second.

When registering my membership the girl at the entrance desk pulled a fast on me when she held up a little round ball and told me to look at the black spot. I did and then she went back to punching in my information on the computer and ten seconds later she gave me my membership card. Which had my picture on it! Normally I wouldn't have cared how I looked, but this was the exception. I had just come in from the freezing cold so my nose and cheeks were bright red and my hair looked absolutely fabulous as it had been mashed to nice little ball which resembled a little Indian teepee. But the best part is my squinting when I really really concentrated to see what the little black spot was. I'm glad I don't have to show it to anyone.

When we started climbing i quickly noticed some similarities between me and my childhood hero Spider-man such as our excellent physiques and heroic stature . This is a bit of topic but for almost a whole year when I was little I either had a Spider-man or Superman costume underneath my clothes. Just in case..

The only real difference between when I climb and Spider-man climbs are; Even though I sometimes believe that I do, Spider-man has super strength and I would just like to have super strength (mine is beyond most mortal men but not just "super", not yet). Spider-man's hands seem to somehow stick to whatever surface he touches while mine seem to loose grip on even some of the largest grips. Spider-man does not seem to suffer from vertigo while I concentrate to never look down while climbing. But still.. Give me a month and Spider-flan will bite the dust if he tries anything.

Hail to the Prince

Damn it! Ooops I did it again.. This year I promised myself that there was no way that I would stay up and watch the Superbowl. You see here in Sweden to damn thing starts at two o'clock in the morning and ends only god knows when. Something that has a tendency to f**k things up if you like me actually have things to do and places to be at in the morning.

And what annoys me even more is that we can't even see the commercials! I have to go out on the net the next day to see these wonderful pieces of comedy, which you just by the way can find here.

But something made it all worth it.. Prince! Prince rocked the stage with some of my all time favorite songs such as Along the Watchtower and Best of You and made me a believer. You see when I was small my mother badgered me with tons of music, some stuck some didn't and Prince got to hang around my play lists thanks to a few songs that i liked. But now I might just have to find his "Best of" record and scan through it once more. You can find his performance here for the first part and here for the second part.

And yeah! I know he's not called Prince any more but I just didn't have the time to write "the artist formerly known as Prince who is currently performing under the name of weird symbol that contains the mark of Tao" each time I referred to him. So piss off!

ps: The Colts won by the way.

Zodiac

Found a wonderful summary how different starsigns tend to act! Try to guess mine..

ARIES
You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don't give a fuck about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn't care less. You're the type of person who would masturbate at a wedding

TAURUS
Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most people because you're bisexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of piss.

GEMINI
Your star sign denotes an air of duality in your character. Simply, you're a neurotic schizophrenic. A real fucking weirdo, the type of person who'd kill them self to win a bet.

CANCER
You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You're an unscrupulous bastard who would sell relative's limbs to buy a mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered.

LEO
The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to try anything. In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden snail and will never amount to anything. Most Leos are living on the welfare.
VIRGO
You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them. But you're prone to bullshitting and you're a cheap bastard. Virgo men are usually queers and the majority of Virgo women are whores.

LIBRA
You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges. This makes you an asshole. For your entire life people will make a complete prick out of you. Nobody will go to your funeral.

SCORPIO
You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles. However these are your only good traits. You screw small animals and love picking your nose. You should become a stunt performer with no helmet.

SAGITTARIUS
You are the romantic mushy type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. Men even willing to rent Sleepless In Seattle to increase your odds for a romp in the sack.

CAPRICORN
You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type. A mean self-centered cunt and a closet homosexual. Your best friend is probably an altar boy.

AQUARIUS
You are the academic type and will probably end up working in the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a Labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights.

PISCES
You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You're a prick.

The white circle of shame

Today I decided that my complexion was getting way too close to that of a corpse that was recently washed up on shore. In other words.. I was pale as a ghost. Even though I have a tanning salon just next door, I have always had my doubts. It just doesn't feel manly. But! I felt that my masculinity just had to bend in order to erase a bit of winter from my skin.

So I went down the elevator in my slippers, baggy pants and old t-shirt feeling like a Greek god who just got out of bed and hadn't found his fig leaf just yet. I met couple of curious/annoyed looks that tried to convey that you just don't go outside in the winter here in Sweden dressed like that. But fifteen seconds later I was safe in the salon, but the looks from people on the street were simply changed to the two very pretty girls who just had came out from their little session and were applying their face masks. I wasn't really in chatty mood but when I saw that one of the girls had brought her baby chihuahua I lit up with childish joy!

I haven't mentioned it before but I am the proud father of beautiful little chihuahua girl by the name of Dee Dee, who is currently in her mother's custody. Dee is surprisingly good with computers and usually is the one that does my spellchecking so if you're reading this Dee.. Love you!

But back to the enthralling story! Me and the little dog (don't remember his name but I christened him Tiny) got along really well even though he constantly kept biting and licking my fingers. I tried to explain to him that it wasn't very sanitary to do that on strangers. But Tiny was lucky as I wash my hands 32 times a day ever since I had that incident with the transvestite. God he was a beautiful girl. EEUuuuw wait a sec.. I have to go wash my hands again.

Back! I fell asleep in the tanning bed and was jolted back to reality when it went of with loud thud. Then I got a bit hungry when I noticed that I smelled a little like grilled chicken and licked my arm to see if I tasted like I smelt, but I just tasted salty. Then I realised that I just had tasted my own sweat and didn't really know how to react.

But after all this an epiphany occurred! I got out of the shower and examined my manly muscles and my equipment, did the helicopter for a couple of twirls and finally I took a look at my sculpted buttocks where I found an almost perfectly round white circle. What? Is this a part of tanning? was I supposed to turn around at some point? Hmm.. maybe I shouldn't have been naked. But I like being naked! This will be examined in depth.. Maybe I can ask Tiny next time I meet him. I realized that my epiphany was a bit to naughty to be put down in writing but I'll maybe let you in on the secret another time. *winking smiley*

Shark Attack

I recently found out something absolutely fabulous! A couple of weeks ago I had two girlfriends over for an afterparty which consisted of liqueur and Happy Feet! I really don't remember why, but somewhere in the middle of our indulgence I decided that there were a severe lack of biting going on and decided that someone had to make this wrong right. So I grabbed poor M who just happened to be closest, looked her deep in the eyes while I caught her arm and lunged at her bicep! For some unknown reason she really didn't fight she just kind of froze, which made me feel like an even greater white shark whom none would dare to challenge and went for another bite at her stomach. Then as sudden as the attack started I decided that it wasn't any fun any more and stopped. Leaving the poor stunned girl alone to lick her wounds from the dangerous encounter. M later got her revenge when she grabbed my nipple and tested just how far it was possible to stretch

Somehow I had forgot all about this incredible extravaganza but was fortunately retold the story the next day to my great amusement. But this isn't where this beautiful story ends.. I wish you could see the smile on my face now.

But a week later, when the girls were on Pilates, M still had very large noticeable bruise. So noticeable that a guidance counselor approached her and gave M her number just in case she needed to talk to someone. The best thing was that this very nice person then leaned in towards M and whispered - "No one should be allowed to that to someone. Leave the bastard". Hahaha! Love ya M

Smokin'

Ahhh! My predictions came true! The night did contain naked women, guns and drugs all thanks to the epic movie Smokin' Aces. I have promised to not include any smileys whatsoever in my blog for spiritual reasons, but I was pretty close there as I felt so incredibly clever. The movie felt even greater as I was joined by my beautiful date who constantly tried to make inappropriate approaches by nibbling my earlobe. But since he is an old childhood friend I felt it was easier to just let him keep on nibbling and explain to him after the movie that I still don't like him in that way (thanks for a great night J and we will rock the town tomorrow).

Then during the day I realized something pretty annoying. I am not an unique snowflake! Somehow I was led to believe that my blog was special, extraordinary and one of the few existing here in the world. I was sadly mistaken.. Feels almost like I ought to get a tattoo just so could be more like everyone else.

So! This have led to an elaborate plan where I simply have to eliminate everyone else who publishes a blog and just to make it interesting I will dispose of them in alphabetical order. There can only be one..