Comfort

I've noticed that I am an enormously comfortable man. I love Japanese food but am appalled by the inconvenience of sitting down on the floor and eating. Your knees hurt, your gut is pushed up in your chest, the back starts aching after a while and I just can’t for the life of figure out a way I can sit without looking absolutely like the uncoolest, most uncomfortable man in the world. This of course bothers the hell out of me as I have a certain persona to uphold.

This phenomenon is not just confined to most pricey Japper restaurants but also at other seemingly “nice” occasions. For some reason someone invented “the picnic”. I would personally invent the time machine just to go back in time and kill him. I don’t care what possible butterfly effects this might cause because he must die. Everyone seem to enjoy the idea of picnics but they always seem to forget the horrid field of bird shit (where you have to try to find the spot with the least amount of bird shit of course), the insects, that’s sole purpose seem the bring the joy out of the whole experience by committing suicide in your food, and finally it is back to whole sitting down on the ground to eat..

Same thing with standing up while eating and here we have an entire nation to blame, Italy. Why? Dear god why? Was the investment of some proper chairs too much to ask? - “Ooooh we’re in so much of a hurry we have stand up when we eat, possibly in order to throw ourselves to the ground when a mad Swede tries to bomb us to bits. So we have to be springy” – It annoys me have places appear trendy and more business like because of the lack of chairs.

If you make me stand up or sit on the floor to eat at your establishment - I say “Fuck you my good sir” and go home and work on my time machine.