Fire

Me and my very good friend F were talking on MSN about last night and I was still in awe of him getting up at eight, doing his manly duty by going to work.

While we both tried to profess our well being I checked out the local newspaper's homepage. This only to find that a large fire had broken out in an area that is considered to be somewhat of Stockholm's "worker's area".

Don't get me wrong! I love this part of town! Well.. like at least. But nonetheless, it is still pretty much labelled as mentioned above.

On MSN
Maximilian: Hey! A huge fire has broken out on Sodermalm!
F: Really?
F: Finally.

So I guess that's it. People on Sodermalm deserves burning deaths according to some of my friends.

Smile Bitch

Today I became a man again. No more chained by the attributes of total youth.

Two years ago I got the unfathomable news that I was going to get braces. This at the tender age of 21. Fortunately, at the time, I had a gorgeous girlfriend who loved me more than to let a face full of metal deter her. God I loved that woman.

Somehow I got used to the routine of cleaning my teeth five times a day, explaining to people why a full grown man had a set of braces and once a month getting my "period" as the cruel bastards tightened my braces (making them an effective method of torture). For five days, every five weeks, Satan would have told me to be nicer.

I also noticed when going through my pictures that I haven't had one full out smile in two years. But all of that is now over. Watch out cause' Mr Colgate is back! But foremost..

I am free again. *Wish you could see the smile on my face*

Up and Down

Elevators have the mundane task to go up and sometimes even down. To make thing even more complicated for the poor things, they have stop at the right floor as well. It is not really the most difficult job in the world.

I don't know if it is out of spite or boredom but my elevator has rebelled against me. The situation has not exactly reached the same level as Terminator 2 or I, Robot but things are heating up. My elevator is just damn evil.

Things started out with that, one day that my useless keys just didn't work. I twisted the poor thing until, I swear to god, it screamed for me to stop. Then I also noticed that someone had stolen my beloved "Beware of the killer chihuahua"-sign on my door which made me really mad. But I kept on trying to get my keys to work like a madman -- I had to get in right!?

Then it hit me, I was on the wrong floor.. And had been basically been trying to break into my neighbors apartment for past five minutes. I rushed up to my own floor properly embarrassed and scared that they would open their door, but I thought that I just pressed the wrong button. I was wrong.

This was the start of our war. Mr Elevator is now officially my nemesis. Now he simply doesn't stop at my floor anymore. Instead he opts for the floor below, just to mess with me. So I have to press the sixth floor and then punch the emergency stop so I can get of at my place. Yeah that's normal..

The best thing was yesterday when I was on my way down with my roomie and a seriously loud KLONK sound came, not once but twice. That was when I reached my limit and called the "If you have problems with your elevator call bla bla bla". They answered surprisingly fast, and I was still on my way down when I was explaining the situation when something white and large just flew down in front of me!

Guy on phone - "That sort of sounded like something fell down"
Me - "YOU THINK!"

I'm not getting on that fucker until I know they had it properly fixed. And of course I live on the fifth floor.

"Twi Twi Twi!"

I don't know why but I've never really liked hamsters. I just don't see their purpose here on earth other than possibly feeding a large bird or two. They smell, make annoying little chirping noises and if they are let out of their cages.. They shit all over the place.

The thing is though.. I have something to horrifying confess. Once I did something terrible to a hamster.. Something terribly funny that is, haha!

I was at this friend's house warming up for a night on the town. But through the music you could consistently hear his little sister's hamster going ballistic in it's cage. F told me to just leave the little bugger alone but when he was in the bathroom and I was making new drinks I couldn't help myself.

The little hairball was drinking on one of those water dispensers that they have to use a straw to get their water. So I go over to the little creature, watching him getting his drink on, when a stroke of genius hit me. Lets see what happens if I just push on the water bottle a little! And thus creating a large flow of water exploding into the little hamster's mouth. So I did and I can't stop laughing when I thinking about it!

The little guys cheeks expanded like a small bomb had gone off which made them look like two small furry balloons and you could see the total shock in his beady little eyes! Then he ran for his life while going "TWI TWI TWI!!" and hid under the sawdust in his little house remaining completely quiet for the rest of the night.

So if you got an annoying hamster you now know what to do.

Anecdotes part 1"The Cruise"

Today I was eating out with a couple of friends having a blast when it hit me. I absolutely love telling stories. As we all traversed down memory lane sharing funny anecdotes I started to think that this is what I should do for you guys. So this will be the start of an ongoing series of stories here in the blog with great old tales from my life.

"The Cruise"
Almost everyone I know has a guy in their social circle that really is that guy. He is the guy that always somehow end up in the most precarious situations that you would otherwise believe that the twilight zone would have to be responsible for to happen. I adore this guy. He is always a blast to be around but sometimes.. Sort of goes of the far end. And here follows the story of what happened on the infamous Silja Line cruise. As I'm writing this I am not sure if I should be censuring this story. In a worst case scenario just add 30 percent more flavour to the story and you'll get the picture.

The whole thing started out with a girl that I was dating invited me and C to join her and her four girlfriends on a cruise. I thought what the hell, migth be fun. It's strange when you can be so right and so wrong at the same time.

Anyway! Of some strange reason this ship felt like it had to depart eight o'clock in the morning. At least three hours too early, by my definition, when it is your day off. But we meet up with the girls, shake paws, board the ship and start looking for our two cabins. Within an hour we had got our supplies from the liqueur store and starting drinking. It was beautiful. I had my first shot of vodka before I had breakfast and this is basically where the twilight zone started to come down on us. From here on this is what I decided to share with you guys.

To start of with: If you ever have had the idea to have sex in one those playroom "sea of colorful balls". Just don't. It is not worth it in anyway, not even as a funny story.

The second interesting thing that I learned was that the poor people who clean these boats should be given a medal and psychiatrist. A nice little surprise was bestowed upon us when we found a large steaming pile of puke exactly outside our door. We actually had to jump over it to get out.

C started to freak out quite early when he had one of his great ideas. This one involved that people who is standing should be laying down. The people in question did not have a choice in the matter either. It was amazing that someone didn't kill him but you sort of can't get mad at him. It's like being mad at a puppy for biting your finger.

But anyway! We hadn't seen C in a couple of hours and started to worry so we sent out a search party. About an hour later we head back to our cabin and of course he is right where we started.. But he is not alone. There are eleven little terrified looking kids and all with a beer tightly gripped in their hands. Then C when he sees us he flashes a huge smile and exclaims "THESE ARE MY LITTLE GERMAN BUDDIES!". They were all German konfermanders (going through their second baptism). How the hell did he find these kids?

But the best part was when we finally got back to Stockholm. Me and the girls were waiting at the exit, where we probably looked like we had been to hell and back and bought the t-shirt. But then finally C comes slowly walking towards looking extremely grumpy. He doesn't even acknowledge our presence. Then out of nowhere this really old skangly looking lady comes walking out and yells out with a really heavy finish accent "C! There you are!" and C just lights up! They embrace and then she proceeds to give him back his wallet, ID, car keys and Walkman. Seriously.. I don't like to curse but.. What the fuck?

To this day I have never found out what happened between the old lady and C.

EDIT: I am not happy. I feel terrible even. From this day one I promise never to censor a story again. It is all the way or no fuggin way at all.